The holidays are here. For some, this means perfectly executed family dinners and Instagram-worthy decorations. For the rest of us, it’s just a mad scramble to cram everything into a few weeks, hoping the house doesn’t burn down and everyone’s sanity holds on by at least one thread.
But here’s the deal: the holidays aren’t about perfection. If you want flawless, book a one-way ticket to Jinglebell Junction. But don’t get distracted by the idea of perfect. The magic of the holidays is in the nuttiness—the quirky family customs that make you examine your life choices (yes, I’m talking to you, turducken). Perfection? That’s overrated. It’s the wonderfully weird and amusingly absurd traditions that make the holidays stick with you—whether you want them to or not.
I’d love to take you through some holiday traditions that crank festive mayhem up to 11 and show just how brilliantly bizarre the season can be. From the downright wacky to the charmingly offbeat, these holiday observances are proof that we’re all delightfully unhinged. Here are a few oddities from around the globe to remind us that, at our core, humans are perfectly ridiculous.
Yule Lads
Let’s start up north. In Iceland, the holiday season is run by the Yule Lads (Jólasveinar)—13 cheeky delinquents who show up one by one over the 13 nights before Christmas. Good behavior earns you little gifts; bad behavior, rotten potatoes. Here are a few choice mischief mongers in no particular order: There’s Spoon Licker,who’s got an unhealthy attachment to kitchen utensils; Door Slammer, who has no respect for nighttime boundaries; Window Peeper, who never brings snacks—only awkward stares; Door Sniffer, disturbingly obsessed with your door’s scent; and finally, Candle Stealer, a human fire hazard with a wax addiction. But they’re nothing compared to their mother’s oversized tabby, the Yule Cat, who prowls around judging your winter wardrobe. Miss out on new clothes for Christmas? Congrats, you’re dinner. In Iceland, fashion faux paws can be fatal. That’s why, if you’re headed there for the holidays, you’d better spring for that new sweater—unless you’re aiming to be Yule Cat’s Christmas kibble.
Out of Sight
Keeping it weird in Scandinavia, there’s Norway, where Christmas Eve isn’t just about cozying up with a hot drink—it’s about hiding your brooms. Yes, I know, I didn’t have broom-hiding on my holiday tradition bingo card either. On Christmas Eve, Norwegians have a tradition where they hide their brooms to keep them safe from witches. Apparently, Christmas Eve is a real trigger for witches in Norway. Unlike their North American coven cousins, these witches like to come out on Christmas Eve and steal brooms to fly around on, because . . . well, Christmas. So, as you’re finishing your last-minute shopping or arguing over which side dish is best (it’s the potatoes, for the record), people in Norway are out there stashing their cleaning supplies. I’m glad my Swiffer is marked safe from this one.
Smiling Timber
In Spain, holiday traditions take an unexpected turn with Caga Tió, a.k.a. “the Pooping Log.” It starts out wholesome enough: a log with a painted-on smile, carefully fed for days like a beloved pet. But come Christmas Eve, all bets are off. Catalonian kids gather around, sticks in hand, and proceed to beat the unfortunate timber senselessly while chanting “Poop! Poop!” until it, um, obliges. Out tumble small gifts and candy, because what’s more festive than extorting treats from a bark buddy? Forget Santa’s sleigh and reindeer entourage. All you need is a little yelling and stick-swinging to deliver the goods. It’s a holiday tradition I didn’t know I needed—turns out, a pooping log really makes Christmas sparkle.
Burn, Baby, Burn
Finishing out the holiday season in Ecuador, there’s a tradition called Años Viejos, where people burn giant scarecrow-like effigies to say “good riddance” to the old year and start fresh. I don’t know about you, but I can think of a few things I’d be happy to toss into the fire pit of 2024. The idea is to get rid of all the baggage from the past year—bad memories, regrets, that ill-fated attempt at macrame you’re still trying to forget. So if you’re chucking in your ex’s favorite hoodie or the remains of your failed diet plan, you’re on the right track. The key here is that the doll has to burn completely—if it’s not fully incinerated, the bad vibes come back. No dainty little candle flame here—this is more like hurling the year into a full-blown inferno, straight from the depths of Mount Doom. It’s the ultimate excuse to toss out everything that went wrong in one big fiery spectacle. Plus, after the blaze, you can jump over the flames for some bonus drama. Because nothing says “I’m ready for a new year” like narrowly avoiding third-degree burns!
Ditch the Rules
As you gear up for your own holiday season—whether it involves explaining to your children why the log poops or why we really eat Aunt Edna’s “famous” lettuce and shrimp orange Jello salad—just remember, it’s all part of the charm. The holidays aren’t about following some cookie-cutter idea of perfection or playing by some established “rules” of what’s supposed to make a proper holiday tradition. The most wonderful thing about these strange and silly customs from around the world is that they remind us celebration is chaos in the best way possible. Whether you’re lighting up your Santa-hatted pig (I see you, Tiffany) or hiding a broom, just do it. Embrace the weirdness. Lean into the absurdity. Welcome the chaos. Bring on the rotten potatoes, the spoon lickers, the ill-tempered feline fashionistas, the cleaning-supply kleptomaniacs, and maybe an effigy or two.
And when the new year rolls in, I’ll be over here trying to figure out how I can score an invite to a pooping log party. Because, honestly, that’s one holiday tradition I’m willing to get behind.